?

Log in

I Won't Soothe Your Soul... [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
One Winged Angel

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

(no subject) [Mar. 31st, 2009|02:06 pm]
One Winged Angel
Lawl I just messed up my thingie! I can't remember my password into webshots to get my background picture, but oh well! I can rock this for a bit
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Feb. 20th, 2009|06:09 pm]
One Winged Angel
My transfer went through, my last day at that store as if right now is Monday. I'm planning on moving my stuff to Florence on Tuesday. Life's funny =P
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Mar. 20th, 2007|10:09 am]
One Winged Angel
I wish I could be a spartan. That'd be so hot. 300 is 1337.

Watch! and behold the uber Rogue. (I'm gonna marry this guy http://www.warcraftmovies.com/movieview.php?id=27354
linkpost comment

Alcohol doesn't make me happy.... [Dec. 28th, 2006|06:46 am]
One Winged Angel
[mood |depresseddepressed]

I have always felt a connection to bad guys in video games or stories or movies I see. I guess I think I'm kinda the same. no I don't go arond murdering children, but I tend to murder the relationships I have in life. over the years I've burnt bridges with many friends and loved ones, and now...It seems so stupid and insigificant. I joined the military to make my ex happy..I thought it was the only way we could be together. I joined and moved to hawaii where she said she was going to go to school. I'm not kicking myself for joining, but I am realizing that it isn't the life for me. I would gladly go to war...if it came down to it..I don't thik I'd have a problem taking the life of another if I had to. I'm getting out though thanks to a medical problem. The only thing is...I've destroyed my chance at happiness...I have nothing left. My depression has cracked me. She has nothing left?...Pft..she obviously has no idea what it is to be me then. It's alright though, I don't blame her, she did what she had to do to be happy. On the one hand...I'm majorly sad. I know my heart will never feel the way it did, but in a small way. I am happy...Now at least the one I love will have a shot at happiness. It's what they deserve. I was never a good boyfriend or fiance..what happened between us was my fault. I'm not blaming anyone else. I can't control my anger...and no matter how hard I tried. that trait got the better of me. hehe..I feel like it's my fault she had sex with another guy in College. but I've noticed it isn't just her. My anger has spread..I don't know how deep it goes, but I do know that most of it is toward myself. My life..was lie after lie after lie...and I let the only true thing I ever had slip away. no..I pushed it away. I lost myself in Video games. I love to play them, but I think I became so dependant on escaping to that reality that the real world..and the person that mattered most in it just, gave up. This is the first time I've been drunk in my whole life. I don't really know what everybody gets so worked up about with alcohol..IT doesn't make me feel happy. I am simply able to admit that I..am a lonely, bitter, angy person. MY life has gone through such extreme changes. I was angry as a child too, but I gre out of it in my early teenage years. It would seem though, that I had merely buried it..and it has slowly leaked to the surface. I can no longer control it. MY depression is killing me.. I wrote a letter...to my family. I'm just..not sure if I can send it. Is it okay for men to cry? I have always wondered that...it always feels like we're not supposed to. I can't help it right now...I can't control it. I am so...very tired.
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Dec. 28th, 2006|06:30 am]
One Winged Angel
[mood |/flex]

The background says it all. I wrote that....me..in a nutshell.
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Oct. 28th, 2005|07:41 pm]
One Winged Angel
haha another change of plans >.< I enlisted in the ARMY and I ship out on Nov. 10th!
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Oct. 12th, 2005|01:11 am]
One Winged Angel
Finally headed back to school! Going to be going to DeVry University in Decatur, Georgia to study Game and simulation Programming and Simulation. I'll probably be there at least 3 years if I can make it, and I hope when my girlfriend gets ready she'll come join me. I'm kind of excited, but also kinda scared. I've never been away from home for very long and it's gonna be complicated. Oh well I'm sure with her in my mind I'll get through it.
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Sep. 25th, 2005|10:14 am]
One Winged Angel
[mood |blankblank]

I really don't know if I'm cut out for this...I was trying to do some studying in my basic math book this morning and it was taking me like 10 minutes to do each problem. I lose focus SO easily. it takes me like a minute to figure out the simpliest of problems. I am excited about going, and I'd really like to excel at this, but I'm so scared that I won't be able to make it...my self confidence is so pathetic.. I admited the truth about how pathetic and boring my life has been, but a lot of what I told Chel about myself was true too. I'm done so many things to hurt people and a lot of the reasons why was to make them hurt the way I did. I'm not special...I'm not rich and powerful, and I'm not an athlete...I'm just an ordinary guy, but I love someone with All my heart and I even screwed that up. Chel's the love of my life..but because of me she's so insecure. mmm...I think it really gets to her when I show her the icons I make with Tifa in them. Maybe it has something to do with what she said about Chirs running to waht she said was a "Tifa look a-like". I like doing experimentation with pictures in Photoshop, but I really have a lack of Shots...I downloaded a screen shot pack and it had like 20-30 pictures of Tifa and the rest were crummy shots of other characters. when I told he that though she seemed to just not believe me. I really don't look at Tifa as more attractive then Chel, but it seemed to make her think I do when I make those icons and things. Sometimes I really wonder if she did truly get over Chris...or if all of that is really jsut the after effects of their relationship. Maybe...I should've given her more time...Maybe she should've been single longer after they broke up. I am so in love with her...just like I was then, but did I put her in a position she wasn't ready for? I should've been more conisder and more patient with her. ::laughs a little::...I screwed up so bad...just like I do with everything else. My relationship with her is the one thing that I ever really want to go well, and be happy and good. She and I have struggled and come through a lot, and it's like..I can feel her...when she isn't around.. I feel connected to her..despite our differences I love her. Mmmmm thinking about he makes me smile. I love who she is...haha she's all I can think about. I think about her all the time...she's always on my mind and whatever I'm doing or thinking my mind seems to find a way to relate it to her. ....I wish she were here...I miss her so much. My apartment is going to get so lonely there all by myself...I wish she could be there with me. I reall hope she wants to come be with me after she's done in Hawaii. I'm sure she'll like it there. I get why surroundings effect her now...haha I'm starting to think this place is bad for people. I remember I really liked our trip to Georgia when I was small, and I'm sure I'll like if I get down there. I still hope she'll come be with me. she seems to avoid talking about anything that involves her emotions now... I don't know why...is it because she doesn't want to focus on them. Is it because she thinks I don't understand?....is it because she just doesn't want to talk to me about it? I don't really know.. but I really hope I can help her heal and get better and be happy again. I don't think anyone is more beautiful then her. I want to be with her so badly, and I don't care if we don't ever do anything exciting as long as I'm with her that's all that matters to me. I want to give her her dreams and make them all come true, and I'm gonna do whatever I can to make that happen. I hope she can learn to trust me again one day...I hope she'll feel safe in my arms again one day. I hope I get to grow old with her. I'll love her even when she's an old woman..she'll still be my goddess even then. hehe my very own Aphrodite...just like always. mmm It seems to help to write these things out...even if they aren't talked about openly by she and I. I'd like to know her thoughts sometimes...but I'm not gonna push things on her. mmm I miss her so much...I really need a job..which is just a whole new complicated matter. I hope if she goes to Hawaii she doesn't find some cute Hawaiian surfer guy that she likes more then me. I hope she stays safe...I wish I could go and watch over her...protect her. but I have faith in her, and I trust her...I hope she'll learn to do the same for me.

My heart belongs to her..now and forever
her and her alone.. no matter what
link2 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Sep. 22nd, 2005|11:57 pm]
One Winged Angel
another onneee
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Sep. 22nd, 2005|11:43 am]
One Winged Angel
I made an icccccooooonnn!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
linkpost comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]